“I Don’t Care What People Think”: Making Your Own Rules About People’s Opinions

Personal Growth Journey

People always make it known that they don’t care about the opinions of others. It’s like rule number 1 in the whole self-acceptance, self-love stratosphere. Everyone’s favorite stance is the whole “I don’t care what other people think” stance which is one I completely agree with having. However, I didn’t always think that way and I’m mindful that there are so many people who are still navigating through what it means to make their own rules as far as people’s opinions go. It isn’t about not caring what people think. Making your own rules and leading a peaceful life is about ceasing to internalize the opinions of others to the point of losing yourself.

If we are being honest, that is a place that I am not too far removed from. It is only in the last 4 to 6 months that I have really stopped internalizing people’s opinions about my decisions and my life in general. That means I lived almost 25 whole years living my life to some extent based on what other people had to say in place of how I felt. These are some of the ways that I stopped making decisions and basing my existence on how others felt and started making my own rules about how I could effectively use feedback in my life.

     Have confidence in your decisions and in the way you live your life… I mean you are making your own rules, right? If you are making decisions in an effective way that produces the best outcomes for YOU, then you have no reason to lack confidence in those decisions. The only way that people’s negative opinions about your decisions and your life affect you is if you aren’t confident in your decisions and your life to start with. There have been so many times when people had negative things to say about the way I live my life (i.e. “why did she quit teaching? why would she want to be a flight attendant? why are you doing it this way? That’s crazy!”). There were also many times in the beginning that I didn’t feel confident that the decisions I was making were the best ones. Those were the times that the negativity affected me most. Don’t let that happen to you. When you are confident, no comments or opinions can ruin what you have going on.

Don’t reveal every move to every person… There are so many people who are super important to me. I value those individuals, I seek their advice (not their approval), and I care to hear opinions, of course. However, everyone in your life is not one of those individuals. I say that to emphasize the importance of letting decisions and your life in general play out. Social media is such a HUGE part of how we interact with other people and how some people seek approval, but we have to remember that everyone doesn’t need to know every detail of our lives. There are certain things that I choose to keep private and I RARELY make announcements about my life on social media. That has been in major part, due to the fact that it can be so hard to find approval within yourself, let alone approval from others. Don’t tell everyone every move because everyone does not deserve a place at the table where your life’s rules are written. You decide who gets a place and who doesn’t, bottom line.

Decide who your people are and why. I mean really, decide who gets a seat at that table we talked about and why you are granting them that position. Also, be sure that you are giving those valuable voices a place to give you advice, to help talk you through the difficult things, but not a place to grant or deny their approval for your decisions. My mom’s opinion is always important to me because she’s so smart and she is often affected by my decisions. However, her opinion is not often a deciding factor on anything for me. I love my people and I have my reasons for the trust that I have in their voices, but my voice is always the loudest. The reason for that is that at the end of the day, when you are in the solitude of your mind, you have to face yourself. You have to live with the rules that you have written for yourself, the plans that you’ve made, the life you have built. So decide.

Are you seeking advice or approval? How do you incorporate feedback without internalizing opinions? To whom are you revealing your moves and why? Who are your people and why? What will you do today to make your own rules about people’s opinions?

Thanks for reading!

Lacey Alanna

 

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How Goal-Setting & Daily Reflections Will Change Your Life.

Personal Growth Journey

For the last two months, I have been really reflective about my life’s purpose and what I would like to accomplish. Sometimes when you feel unbalanced and lack focus, you have to re-center yourself and take a good look at the bigger picture. I stumbled across some information on how the most successful people set tangible goals and accomplish them. Bottom line.

Through some deep reflection, I realized that for most of my life, I have been accomplishing goals that I didn’t really know I had. This has caused me to sometimes lack focus and even motivation to live my life in a way that fulfills my purpose and works daily toward my goals. I have been effective, always producing a desired or intended result. However, I have not been efficient, achieving maximum productivity with minimum wasted effort or expense.

So recently, I decided that I wanted to not only write down and meditate on my goals for 2018, but I also wanted to reflect on them daily based on reflection prompts. I wanted to figure out a way to live each day intentionally to work toward those goals and my life’s purpose.  Here is what I did and what you can do TODAY to become clearer and more focused on your goals in preparation for the New Year.

FIRST: Set Goals for your life and WRITE THEM DOWN. It is important to set tangible and specific goals for your life. It is equally as important to write them down or type them into a document where they can be viewed regularly. I did this by starting a journal (I LOVE journals/writing in notebooks). The journal is for daily writing and reflections. The very first page features my life goals, all the goals. The second page features my 5 year goals. These goals align with life goals and should be like small milestones toward my bigger goals. *My worksheet that I have posted in my workspace features my goals for the current year. Knowing specifically what these goals are is key to creating goals for your year. Start big and make your goals more focused as the timeline decreases. Having big goals that are accessible to you helps you to refocus yourself when you forget why your smaller goals and day to day actions are so important.

*I wrote my 1 year goals on my 1 Year Goal Setting Worksheet which you can receive FREE when you subscribe to the blog. The worksheet gives you space to write down your important theme for the year, your goals, and the reason why those goals are so important to you as a daily reminder. I posted the worksheet somewhere it is visible daily.

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 SECOND: Reflect Daily! I have committed myself to waking up earlier every morning to start each day by reflecting on my goals. Daily, I take a look at my life goals, 5 year goals, and 2018 goals. Before I start my day, I ask myself: What can I do TODAY to achieve the goals I’ve set or to make progress toward my goals?  At the end of my day, I ask myself: What have I done today to make progress toward the goals I’ve set for myself? Reflection is soooo important because it focuses your day so that you are intentional in everything that you do or at least more of the things that you do on a daily basis. This is so helpful for me because there are so many days I feel like sitting on the couch binge-watching a new show on Netflix or scrolling Instagram/watching YouTube videos for hours. By reflecting daily, I have become more motivated to do at least one to two activities in my free time that push me closer toward accomplishing the goals that I really want to accomplish.  I have become more hardworking, persistent, and intentional through my daily reflections. I still enjoy my free time, but I try to split my time to force myself to use some of it more intentionally.

The significance of documenting reflections…

Using my journal that I previously mentioned, I write down any thoughts and reflections I have around goals, spirituality, or my purpose and contributions in a given day. Each page is dated and includes any spiritual reflections I had after readings I have done. This is important because there is value in seeing your growth. There is also a great deal of value in realizing that your day was either super productive or it wasn’t the most effective use of the time you have to accomplish your goals (whether that is a year, five years or a lifetime). Without reflection and small adjustments to the work you do everyday, your goals are just dreams. You turn dreams into tangible goals by doing the work. 

Sidenote: An important component of goal setting that I haven’t discussed is being purpose driven. Before writing even one goal, I have done a lot of reflecting on my purpose. Before you set goals, think about what you are passionate about and how you can impact those around you. I’ve done a great deal of reflection on my life’s purpose in order to set goals that help to fulfill that purpose.

Ask yourself: What do I want to be remembered for when I’m no longer around? What goals do I need to accomplish for that to be possible? What small goals are important to accomplish today that will lead me to accomplish bigger goals tomorrow? What habits or mindsets can I adjust to be more efficient daily?

Start reflecting on your purpose TODAY. Start writing down your goals TODAY. Start doing the work TODAY.

 

Thank You,

Lacey Alanna

 

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