“I Don’t Care What People Think”: Making Your Own Rules About People’s Opinions

Personal Growth Journey

People always make it known that they don’t care about the opinions of others. It’s like rule number 1 in the whole self-acceptance, self-love stratosphere. Everyone’s favorite stance is the whole “I don’t care what other people think” stance which is one I completely agree with having. However, I didn’t always think that way and I’m mindful that there are so many people who are still navigating through what it means to make their own rules as far as people’s opinions go. It isn’t about not caring what people think. Making your own rules and leading a peaceful life is about ceasing to internalize the opinions of others to the point of losing yourself.

If we are being honest, that is a place that I am not too far removed from. It is only in the last 4 to 6 months that I have really stopped internalizing people’s opinions about my decisions and my life in general. That means I lived almost 25 whole years living my life to some extent based on what other people had to say in place of how I felt. These are some of the ways that I stopped making decisions and basing my existence on how others felt and started making my own rules about how I could effectively use feedback in my life.

     Have confidence in your decisions and in the way you live your life… I mean you are making your own rules, right? If you are making decisions in an effective way that produces the best outcomes for YOU, then you have no reason to lack confidence in those decisions. The only way that people’s negative opinions about your decisions and your life affect you is if you aren’t confident in your decisions and your life to start with. There have been so many times when people had negative things to say about the way I live my life (i.e. “why did she quit teaching? why would she want to be a flight attendant? why are you doing it this way? That’s crazy!”). There were also many times in the beginning that I didn’t feel confident that the decisions I was making were the best ones. Those were the times that the negativity affected me most. Don’t let that happen to you. When you are confident, no comments or opinions can ruin what you have going on.

Don’t reveal every move to every person… There are so many people who are super important to me. I value those individuals, I seek their advice (not their approval), and I care to hear opinions, of course. However, everyone in your life is not one of those individuals. I say that to emphasize the importance of letting decisions and your life in general play out. Social media is such a HUGE part of how we interact with other people and how some people seek approval, but we have to remember that everyone doesn’t need to know every detail of our lives. There are certain things that I choose to keep private and I RARELY make announcements about my life on social media. That has been in major part, due to the fact that it can be so hard to find approval within yourself, let alone approval from others. Don’t tell everyone every move because everyone does not deserve a place at the table where your life’s rules are written. You decide who gets a place and who doesn’t, bottom line.

Decide who your people are and why. I mean really, decide who gets a seat at that table we talked about and why you are granting them that position. Also, be sure that you are giving those valuable voices a place to give you advice, to help talk you through the difficult things, but not a place to grant or deny their approval for your decisions. My mom’s opinion is always important to me because she’s so smart and she is often affected by my decisions. However, her opinion is not often a deciding factor on anything for me. I love my people and I have my reasons for the trust that I have in their voices, but my voice is always the loudest. The reason for that is that at the end of the day, when you are in the solitude of your mind, you have to face yourself. You have to live with the rules that you have written for yourself, the plans that you’ve made, the life you have built. So decide.

Are you seeking advice or approval? How do you incorporate feedback without internalizing opinions? To whom are you revealing your moves and why? Who are your people and why? What will you do today to make your own rules about people’s opinions?

Thanks for reading!

Lacey Alanna

 

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25 Means I Make the Rules.

Personal Growth Journey

I have been writing drafts of posts for the last two weeks, promising myself that I will find the perfect words to finish them. However, in honor of turning a quarter century old, I wanted to start over and reflect on things I’ve learned thus far as it relates to where I am right now in my life and the themes I see for myself now and in the future. I wanted to share these things with you just in case you’re at the same place or you find yourself here and you’re looking for someone to say “I was there too” like I am.

A few months ago, I quit my career and did something totally different. It has certainly been a journey, even if not the journey I expected it to be. I took the road less traveled by and by and here I am. I’m at an intersection between old things, new things, self discovery, and living life with purpose. I appreciate that I will never wonder “what if” about certain decisions in my life, even if those decisions ended up turning out differently than expected. I will live knowing that I tried and I conquered difficult things even if those things weren’t necessarily my purpose or my calling. That experience and growth is the foundation for the growth that I will share with you below…

So I’m 25 and I’m still not 100 percent sure what I want to do with my life.  In the past I knew what I wanted but wondered how I would get there, if I would get there. I found myself second-guessing decisions that I made, wondering how they would impact my future. I found myself doubting more often because it’s so hard to be sure of anything at this age. I found myself caring too much what others would think because I wanted to be fun, fabulous, beautiful,  and successful. I wanted other people to think those things about me and about my life and what they see.  I had a lot of questions and not enough answers about how to live my very best life. Most importantly, I measured success by the standards of others and not by my own.

With that being said I’ve learned so much in the past 6 months, more than I have time to list. Lets be honest, flight attending with a regional airline wasn’t what I thought it would be by a long shot and that is totally okay. However, I want to share that the things I want at 25 are not the same as what I wanted at younger ages.  NOW, I want a successful blog where I can reach followers who are like me, wondering how to navigate the waters of living a fulfilling life. NOW, I want a successful business that impacts people and will leave the world better than it was in some small way.

The difference between myself at 20,21,22,23 and myself NOW is that I make the rules, I break the rules, and I always win. NOW, I am in control and I can do whatever makes me happy. NOW, I know that things don’t always work out as planned but they work out how they are supposed to and that makes all the difference.

Whatever year of life this is for you, own it. YOU make the rules and you break them if you want. You come out on top no matter what and absolutely anything is possible if you want it to be. There are gonna be many times when you change your mind, you come up with a better plan, you rewrite the plan. 25 for me will be a year of self-love, self-discovery, doing what I love, and making my own rules. I’ve lived and I’ve conquered so much already. I look forward to taking this blog to the next level and conquering even more challenges that lie ahead and writing my own story, plot twists included.

What have you done just to say you did it? What rules have you written for yourself, void of the judgments and opinions of others? How have you defined success for yourself and not by the standards of others?

See you in the friendly skies.

Snapchat: Laceyalanna

IG: Laceyalannam

 

 

 

Day 17: If You Think You Can, You Can.

Personal Growth Journey

I was waiting for the perfect day to update you on my training experience and today felt right for so many reasons. Two people left training today. 39 of us came here with a purpose, a story, a goal, and it hurts to see people forced to abandon the journey and take another path. I think we all came here for something and will leave better, newer, and most will leave with their flight attendant wings. But the reality set in today that some really great people would leave without the job.

It was super important for me to share the last 8 days with you because it’s important that you understand that everything doesn’t go perfectly and life is not about succeeding every single time. It’s about the triumph, and timing, and hard work, having a good attitude, and seeing things through even when it’s hard. In the last week I have cried 5 times (lost count actually), failed a test (passed the retake), doubted myself more than ever, been extremely confident in my abilities, and actually realized “I’m doing this for real” AND booked my first FREE flight (my flight home in two weeks).

So I’m in the middle of the hardest part of training, emergency procedures. It is important for me to mention that I failed a drill because I felt really down on myself and self doubt started to creep in immediately which made it even harder for me to pass that particular drill. You can breathe a sigh of relief now because I did end up passing on my final attempt. I believe that things happen for a reason and that people have purposes. If I can help anyone in any way, I am fulfilled.  I say that because I want to leave you with this…If you think you can’t, then you can’t. If you think something is too hard, then it is. Failure is ONLY in the mind. Whatever you think you can do, is what you can do. Whatever doubt you have in yourself will show and manifest itself in your life. Believe in yourself and your abilities. Believe you can and you can. This applies to EVERYTHING.

See you in the friendly skies.

I Took the Road Less Traveled Part 2 – What’s Next??!

Personal Growth Journey

Yesterday for the first time in the two months since I quit my job as a teacher, I broke down and asked myself “What the h*ll are you doing?”. “Why would you quit your salaried job for the unknown?”, “Why would you give up everything (money, being able to pay all your bills, being able to shop often) to travel?”, “Whats the next big move and how will you top all your previous accomplishments?”.

When you decide to make some major changes and regain control of your life, these are questions you ask yourself. If you have anxiety, its extremely hard not to let the worry take over and literally convince you that you may be making bad decisions or that you are ruining your life. I’ve gone through so many phases on this journey that have included literally anticipating the absolute worst about pursuing a career doing something I’ve literally always loved doing.  Anyways with all that being said, I am so excited because there are like a million things I want to do and I wanted to write this post to share those things with people and maybe motivate someone who is thinking of taking a major leap of faith.

So here are the reasons I decided to leave my career as an educator and explore other avenues of work.

  • I wanted more time to explore my interests, passions, ideas. Teaching sucked up so much of my time because it is work that you constantly take home.
  • I wanted a job that would allow me to travel more regularly. (As a teacher breaks were great, but burnout and exhaustion that needed to be handled over the breaks were not.)
  • I wanted to put more time into some business ideas that I had and a blog which I have been able to start.
  • I literally wanted more freedom and control over my time and head space.
  • I need to eventually be working for myself, therefore I need a job that allows me free time to develop my business ideas and work toward self-employment.

For me, leaving my job was a great decision and was right for me. Don’t all go quitting your jobs at once!  Just evaluate the things in your life that you want to change and simply change them. I can’t stress this enough. My biggest takeaway from all of this is that I am in control and so are you. If you don’t like something, change it. If you hate your job, change it. If you dislike your partner, change it. If you are unhappy for any reason, do your best to change it and don’t be afraid to make some sacrifices in the process.

So, a lot of people want to know what’s next for me. I love to travel, I love to write, and so of course after lots of interviewing, thinking, making sacrifices, my next stop on this journey is…….

 

FLIGHT ATTENDANT TRAINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See you in the friendly skies!

I Took the Road Less Traveled Part 1

Personal Growth Journey

This post is the first part of my journey to becoming a flight attendant…how and why I quit teaching . If interested, please read on……

     If you know me, you know that I accidentally fell into teaching early grades after college.  I did not study education in college and I had no interest in being a teacher but it happened and it was good. I found myself developing the determination to get better at teaching, to be the best I could be, to be recognized, and to change outcomes for kids in low-income neighborhoods. So, I set out to do that and somehow found myself working in my classroom 6 – 7 days a week, sometimes 12, 14, 16 hours a day.  My perfectionism,  passion, determination turned into obsession and complete insanity. I found myself never feeling “done” at school. I found myself always striving for better student outcomes on weekly assessments, better /more efficient workstations for students to use each day, better systems and procedures for students. There is nothing wrong with being a great educator and there’s nothing wrong with caring and investing yourself. However, my personal investment became all of my waking hours, anxiety, and mental energy.

 

Graduation

Meanwhile, I had moved across the country from Washington, DC to Houston, TX to work for a charter school organization that I had admired for years and grew to believe could launch my career in a new direction.  As my only school year working at this organization continued, I completely lost myself, everything I loved, everything I believed in, I had completely sacrificed. I had pressure from admin to have great scores, pressure from parents to be the perfect caregiver, and pressure from myself to be the perfect everything.

Spring came and I got to the point where I would daydream during school days about being free and being just about anywhere else. I would dream about all the things I would rather be doing and missed having time for. So many things happened that I can’t share here but a day came when I had my first panic attack and that was the moment that changed things for me. The stakes became higher because I was now sacrificing my mental health, stability, and peace for an  organization of which I had no real ownership.

Late spring came and I had begun seeing a therapist for anxiety that was completely out of control. I was also completely mentally checked out of teaching and although all of my students had made their learning goals for the year and 90 percent of my parents were satisfied at the end of the year, I thought that it wasn’t fair to families that I wasn’t at my best anymore. Summer vacation was approaching and as promising as that seemed, I knew that 2 months wouldn’t fix me. Two months wouldn’t prepare me for another year of this, another year of my life investing everything I have into something that requires sacrificing everything I love. I loved my kids to death and I was a good teacher but if there is one thing I have learned, it is that we should never continue to do things we are good at if we are so moved to do something else. I took the road less traveled and I resigned from my teaching position. No, I don’t regret it and yes I feel freaking amazing. This is where my journey has begun but certainly not where it ends…

 

 

 

Classroom

I still love all my kiddos =)